Do not tell her that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “BUT I DON’T WANT A FISH. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM BACK. WAHHHHHH.” Then you’re a socially awkward penguin.
Do not tell her that he was stupid for leaving her.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “I WAS STUPID FOR LOVING HIM. WAHHHH.” Then you’re again, socially awkward penguin.
Do not tell her that he didn’t deserve her, and that she was too good.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “IF I’M SO GOOD, WHY DID HE BREAK UP WITH ME. WAAAAAAH.” Then you’re socially awkward penguin.
What you do is, you say, “BITCH. GET THE FUCK UP. WE’RE GOING TO WAL-MART. WE ARE BUYING A GALLON OF ICE CREAM FOR YOUR MOPEY ASS, AND YOU’RE GOING TO CRY. ALL FUCKING NIGHT. YOU WILL WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING. WE ARE BURNING ALL HIS SHIT. ALL OF IT. WE’LL GO SHOPPING, AND BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BITCHES ON THE PLANET.”
She can’t be a smartass, and you are no longer caught in a socially awkward situation. You are not a penguin, you are practically jesus.
1. Being single is not a fucking death sentence. Embrace your freedom.
2.If you’re currently dating someone, then don’t go and hang out with your ex. Whether or not you want them, doesn’t matter. They’re always trouble.
3. People are going to lead you on sometimes. Get over it.
4. Not everybody is going to think you’re as hot as you think you are.
5. You can photoshop your pictures all you want. you still wont look that way in real life.
6. We really need to stop saying shit like “fail” and “fuck my life” out loud.
7. Just because one person looks good dressing that way, doesn;t mean you will too. Sorry.
8. All that time you’re wasting bitching and moaning about how “fat” you are could be time spent at the gym taking care of that problem.
9. If you’re a skinny bitch coming at me saying you think you’re fat, then i;m going to agree with you. I’m not going to butter your ass up for no reason.
10. Attention fat bitches. Wear clothes your size. thanks.
11. There’s a time to be classy, and a time to be trashy. the thing is, there’s nothing classy about being trashy.
12. Do not give up your morals for a guy who won’t give up anything at all for you.
13. You’re not a fucking planet, so stop acting like shit revolves around you.
14. I’m so fucking sick of Jersey Shore.
15. The good thing about other people’s problems is that they’re other people’s problems.
16. Don’t go into every relationship expecting it to last forever.
17. Stop being so fucking afraid of the inevitable.
18. Stop lurking.
19. We get it. You’re straightedge. That’s cool. That still doesn’t give you the right to judge and look down on people who aren’t. You’re not God.
20. Your life is no more important than anybody else’s.
21. Pull your fucking pants up.
22. Stop updating your Facebook every 10 fucking minutes. We don’t care that you took a fucking piss and combed your hair.
23. Nobody’s scared of you when you try to act “hard” online.
24. If someone tells you about something bad or sad happened to them, don’t tell them you’re sorry. What are you apologizing for? It wasn’t your fault.
25. Why are your shorts cutting up into our vagina? Last time i checked, camel toe wasn’t cute. i shouldn’t be able to read your lips.
26. Girls, can you guys stop getting pregnant at 18 and under?
27. Girls. why are you lying about getting pregnant, and having miscarriages and abortions? Those are serious. Why are you lying about that shit?
28. Guys, if you’re not going to claim it? help raise it, then don’t help make it. Stop bitching about how it doesn’t feel the same, slap a condom on that dick, or don’t do it at all.
29. Girls, don’t persuade a guy to ave sex with you without a condom. If he doesn’t saddle up, then you’re closed.
30. Everyone deserves to be happy.
31. Can we please stop throwing around the phrase “i love you”?
32. If you’re getting engaged at 18, then I wish you luck. I just hope you really thought about it. Divorce is a bitch.
33. If someone likes you and you don’t feel the same way, then you should tell them. Nobody wants to be lead on.
34.Sometimes, you’ve just got to learn to let go.
35. Don’t make your current lover pay for what the last ones did. It’s not fair.
36. You don’t have to give it up on the first date, if they really want to be with you, then they’ll be okay with waiting. You’re worth waiting for.
37. People are going to lie to you sometimes, and you’re going to believe them. It’s life.
38. there really isn’t an excuse for cheating.
39. Don’t flirt with the people your friends are talking to. Back off.
40. I’m not feeling this whole “let’s get along because we’re graduating”.
41. Don’t tell my friends that I’m an asshole. if they’re my friends, don’t you think they’d already know that? Step aside.
42. Jealousy makes us all ugly.
43. I’m not going to carry you all of the fucking time. Learn to walk.
44. You don’t “need” anybody. You came into this world alone, and that’s exactly how you’re going to leave it.
45. You can’t follow everybody, and everybody can’t follow you.
46. Stop mistaking being vulnerable for being weak.
47. Compliment whoever you’re dating once in a while. They want to hear it sometimes.
48. Did all of the assholes get together and chase off the last few good people out there?
49. Some of us need to stop dressing like we’re twelve Girls, take those fucking dinosaur hair clips out, and comb your hair. Guys, give your little brother back his power ranger shirt, and take off the eyeliner.
50. Stop bitch, moaning, and obsessing over nothing. You’re young. What do you have to complain about? Seriously.